The Day before... Her POV

I'm bad at titles... actually play the song.

She stared at the blank screen. Some song playing at the highest safe volume in her earbuds. A lone tear rolled down the left part of her face; she wiped it away almost as quickly as it fell. Right after, another followed. She swiped at it too. She felt dead already… empty. There was literally nothing NOTHING but his love for her; her love for him holding her together. They’d called this morning. He’d said she shouldn’t cry, that he wanted to speak to her mum. She’d refused. Had he gone mad? She was already on the bus sobbing before she’d seen his missed call. She just wanted to be with him. Everything else seemed to pull her down. He was the only thing holding her above the surface. She knew leaving would destroy him so she stayed. But for how much longer?

So she opened up her email. And she typed away. Furiously with reckless abandon at first and then like a sober drunk who sincerely regretted picking up a bottle in the first place.

My Dearest Amore,

I love you. So so much. You know I do. It’s really hard and I will not lie to you (not that I could) I can’t do it anymore. I would miss you. A whole lot… if missing exists wherever lies beyond life. If I get another lifetime, I hope it’s prettier and sufferable. I hope I find you in every lifetime and I promise to love you in each one more than the last. And I’m sorry I broke your heart by leaving. I just really can’t. I know you always said you’d curse me if I commit and we joked about it… but we both knew we weren’t joking. I just want to see you happy even after me. I hope you find love again because you’re so full of it. Go to therapy. Don’t drown my memory in alcohol or self harm. Take care of yourself. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t have wanted me to do. I hope there’s mini yous and I hope you have a lovely wife. I hope she learns your attachment patterns and your sleeping habits. I hope she stops you from drinking so much energy drinks. I hope she’s okay with… me still loving you. I hope above all that you heal even if it means you’d forget about me. I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promises to you. I love you. Forever and Always my Amore… from your shawtyy.

Scheduled Send… **th *****, 2025.

And then she wrote another…

My Dearest Amore, Happy Birthday to you. I love you so much. Go out with your friends. Be happy. Call your mom. Eat plenty Jollof Rice and be HIM. I love you my Amore. Forever and Always, your shawtyy.

Scheduled Send… **th ****, 2025.

At this point, she’s bottled up all her tears, her heart is heavy and she’s sniffling. She’d call her lover tomorrow and hear his voice for the last time.

Photo by Nila’s Heart on Substack.